k u w a d e r n o

PHan Visit.

2005-03-26T13:47:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Mary for these pics! =) (pics nanaman! hehehe...)

Magpipinsan.

2005-03-25T15:55:00.000+08:00

Because I couldn't get *all* of my cousins to hold still and be in one place for at least a minute for one measly picture, the so-called 'tres marias' of the Santos clan are the only ones that could be seen here. (Translation: the three of us were the only ones game and vain enough to pose in front of the camera). Oh well, if everybody was to be in one photo, we wouldn't fit anyway. Heh.

Loss.

2005-03-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

No, it's not about Manny Pacquiao.

Papa, my paternal grandfather, passed away.

He and Mama took care of me during the first three years of my life. I was very, very close to both of them. He had been living here, with us, in Manila, ever since Mama died in 2003. He went home to Zambales with Chloe, Auntie Ming, Uncle Cesar and Kuya Bebot last Tuesday (the first time since Mama's death anniversary), and he's not coming back. He went home for good.

Ang bait ni Papa. Tinapat pa niya ng Holy Week, walang pasok kaming mga apo niya. Nabisita pa siya ng isa sa mga anak niyang sa New Jersey nakatira, at ng isa pang kapitan ng barko. At saktong uuwi bukas ang panganay niya na sa California naman nakatira. Parang napili rin niya na sa Zambales na siya mamahinga. Tulad ni Mama.

Just like how he was when he was alive, he went away in silence. The utter simplicity is just so like him.

I already miss him and his quotable quotes.

"30 (?) years in the service and only one sweetheart!"

(He served in the Army as a dental officer. Many people are never quite sure whether they should call him "Dr. Santos" or "Col. Santos".)

At Mama's wake, someone came up to him and offered condolences.

Man: "Sir, condolence po."
Papa: "Same to you."

I also remember that when I was younger, I was fond of asking him about how he used to play table tennis (he called it "ping-pong") with then-military officer (and former President) FVR.

Of course when Mama passed away, he began to deteriorate. We knew that it wouldn't be that long, too, before he'd go. I just didn't think it would be now. It seems so sudden, but it also feels right. But I'm still in denial and I haven't really cried yet. Kinakabahan tuloy ako na baka sa libing ako gumawa ng eksena.
Anyway, I'll post more when I come back from the province, after his burial on Thursday morning.

Pa, I'm sorry for being makulit while you were sleeping. I'm sorry I gave you the plastic banana, just for the heck of teasing you. I'm sorry for the many times I didn't kiss you when I got home from school, using my tiredness as an excuse. I'm sorry for not telling you that I love you. Because I do, Papa. I love you. I hope you're with Mama now. I miss you both, and I love you.

Walking.

2005-03-17T18:24:00.000+08:00

Wala lang. Nakakaliw noh? Hehe.

I can't remember where I got this eh. Basta, ang galing ng gumawa nito, whoever he or she is. Astig!

Luxuries, II.

2005-03-16T21:27:00.000+08:00

Have things changed? No and yes. Luxuries (which I now christen Luxuries I) was written seven months ago.

A new book: either a novel or a collection of short stories. A text message from an old friend. A phone call from a close friend. My digital camera. Being able to drink cold water and iced tea again, after having the worst flu of my life. Any movie that has Edward Norton in it. Hearing Chloe say "Labshu, ate Ta", and watching Spongebob vcds with her again and again (and again... as if I didn't have any important schoolwork to do). Finally having a working printer. Jam 88.3. Ferrero Rocher. Still being able to talk to Jasmine about anything, just like in high school, even if it's been two years since graduation. Being able to have dinner with Nica, once or twice a month. The best friggin' CD ever: Green Day's American Idiot album. A 1.0 or 1.25. Unlimited call and text, thanks to Sun. A new Friendster testimonial. My Happy Feet sandals. Eating out with Ate Dana, Elaine and Manix. Laughing trips with Rose, Mark (Curefang!), and even Angelo (Keyser). Literati with Paolo. Almost-weekly gimmicks with Mackie, Mariz and Lovely. Talking to Ate Ella about stuff that other people shouldn't hear. A compliment from my favorite professor. Stuffed crust pizza. Hanging out with my Dad (yup, you read that right). Daydreaming. Reliving the good ol' days with Mary, Kristine and Marivic. Free internet between 12 midnight and 8 am. Reruns of FRIENDS. Being able to drink and turning red only in areas that are covered by clothing. Chatting with old Kostka batchmates, thanks to YM. 'Your Song' by Parokya ni Edgar and 'You'll Be Safe Here' by Rivermaya. Hearing a really painful 'heartbreak' song on the radio, and not being able to relate to it. Not being the new kid in school anymore. Waking up in the morning with a text message from S. waiting for me. Hearing S's voice before going to sleep. Boxes full of old pictures and random stuff -- random meaningful stuff, that is. My blog. My bed. My room. Contentment for today, and having something to look forward to tomorrow. Newfound hope.

Di pa natutulog.

2005-03-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

Wala lang. Wala palang epekto sakin ang mga pinagkkwento ko kanina. Di pa ako natutulog. Hay. Eto, kachat ko si Mary at kahit maluluwa na mata ko sa pagsusurf-surf ng kung anu-ano, di ko magawang iwan ang PC...para tumulala nnman sa kama ko at mag-isip ng kung anu-ano.

Nga pala, I have to share this.. di ko kakilala ang sumulat nito or anything, pero sobrang relate-ever kasi sa mga sinulat nya. Hay. And I'm sure marami ring makaka-relate dito. Siyempre from Peyups.com yan. =)

Hmm. Sleep na nga ako.

Hot.

2005-03-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

O, siya, siya. I'll be faithful in updating my blog na. Starting... now. Why? Kasi ang Friendster may blog na, pero wala akong planong gamitin yon. Wala lang. Hehe. Parang ayoko namang lahat ng "friends" ko dun eh mababasa ang mga kwento-kwento ng buhay-buhay ko. Hah.

Aaaanyway... Okay. Since I'm often online naman, dapat "karirin" ko na 'to diba? Tamad lang kasi ako magsulat eh, kaya madalang ako mag-post dito. At dahil tamad nga ako magsulat, hindi ko na ikkwento ang pangyayaring nangyari these past few days/weeks, uumpisahan ko na lang with ..today. (duh) Eion. So.. Saturday. GenDev as usual. Leche, I thought we were going to present our case study today.. Buti na lang next week na lang ulit. We're totally NOT ready. Kakaiba kasi ang group ko. Hindi kami magkita-kita at walang panahong gumawa. Kaya ayan, wala parin kaming matinong nagagawa. We were dismissed early (as usual), kasi one group lang ang mejo tapos na sa study nila (na kaawa-awang sinabon ng prof naming mahilig maghimay kahit wala nang mahihimay... tsss...) kaya as usual, lakwatsa nanaman kami nina Mackie. This time, hindi na Eastwood, at baka mamaya ma-imbyerna pa samin si mareng Lovely. Hehehe. *wink* Nag-drive thru muna sa McDo para sa nuggets ni Mariz, tapos tinawagan namin si ate Ella para sana mang-istorbo sa bahay, kaso uwi daw sila ng Bulacan.

Tapos.. Eto na. Eto na ang kwento. Edi as always, hindi kami makapag-decide kung san kami pupunta. Hanggang sa nakarating na kami sa may Commonwealth, tapos Don Antonio, tapos naisipan na sa Treehouse na lang kami mag-iinuman at magkkwentuhan. Edi yun! Ok na. Sizzling sisig, manggang hilaw at bagoong, mga bote ng San Mig Light. (Siyempre hindi uminom si L. ha. Good gurl ah! hehe.) Putek. Ang sarap nung sisig! Pati yung bagoong hindi ko matigilan ng pagpapak. Edi sobrang enjoy na ang kwentuhan. Take note, wala pa masyadong tao kasi maaga-aga pa nun. Maya-maya, parang kulay puti na ang paligid. HUH!? Teka, wala pang isang bote naiinom namin, lasing na ba kami? Hahaha... Ayan na! Sobrang mausok na sa paligid namin. Hindi pa malaman nung una kung san galing. Mejo natigilan na kami sa kakakain nung yung manager at mga waiter nagkakagulo na ng konte. Juskopo! May sunog na pala sa taas! Nagmamadaling kinuha ng mga kaibigan ko ang mga bag, etc., at ako naman ay nag-atubiling magsuot ng sapatos sa kaliwa kong paa, at dali-daling sumubo pa sa pagkasarap-sarap na sisig. Langya yan, pagtakbo namin sa akala naming pwedeng labasan, wala palang daanan! Panic sinks in. Mejo kumakabog na ang dibdib ko. Kalmado pa nga ako kumpara sa tatlong yun eh, kanya-kanyang sigaw na ng "Baka yung tangke, yung tangke!" tsaka "Dito, dito! Labas tayo dito!", etc. Hanggang sa lumabas na kami (umikot pa sa malayo kasi nagkamali nga) at mejo nanood kung ano ba ang nangyayari. Hayun. Sa bandang taas, kung san nakatapat yata yung pinaglulutuan (kusina) eh may malaki-laki nang apoy. Mejo dumadami na rin yung tao sa paligid, pero ang bagal bago talagang may kumilos at tinry i-extinguish yung fire. Hay! Shempre layas ever na kami, kahit sayang na sayang kami sa beer at sisig at mangga. Hehehe. Yun pa ang inisip noh? Oh well... Libre naman. Malamang. Hindi na kami nagbayad.

Sa nerbyos naming apat eh obviously, sa kotse ni Mackie hindi namin matigilan ang pag-usap tungkol dun. Pero nung bumaba na si Lovely para umuwi, mejo nag-move on na rin kami. Life must go on, ika nga ni Kris Aquino. Hehehe. Kaya ang natirang tatlong mukhang inom eh umabot pa ng Marikina para ituloy ang naudlot na inuman. Complete with the table for three sa tapat ng aircon sa second floor ng kung ano mang bar yun na may masarap na nachos. Hehe. Tapos yun, pagkaubos ng kanya-kanyang bote eh umuwi na rin kami at may date pa ata si M. Which "M"? Either. Haha.

Whew. In fairness, kahit feeling ko kalmado ako kanina eh talagang kinabahan ako. Lalo na nung nasa corner kami nung restaurant, tapos parang wala kaming mapaglabasan. Tapos katabi pa namin yung kusina kaya mejo nakakatakot na baka may sumabog pa dun or something. I'm downplaying it a bit, but I really got scared for a while. It seems kinda fuzzy now-- I can only remember random voices and movement, but I know that it was really, really scary. Suddenly all that mattered was getting out of there alive, and in one piece. And it didn't help that my companions were kinda panicking. Hee. Thank God that's over. And thank God nothing very *bad* happened. Whew. Baka mamaya pinagagalitan kami ni Lord kasi hindi namin iniintindi case study namin at puro gimik ang iniisip.

Speaking of Treehouse, naalala ko tuloy yung Treehouse sa UP. Hay! Sina Mary, Mako, Marivic.. teka, si Kristine ata hindi namin nakasama dun pero naalala ko rin siya. Hehe. Whoa. Bigla kong napansin na ang dami ko atang kilalang "M" ang start ng name. Layoooo, tol! Hay. Pasensya na. I'm... (ika nga ni Mackie) wasak.

Wasak talaga. What a day. Sobrang init na. Summer na summer. Ayan. Nagkasunog pa. Yoko na. Magkukulong na ko sa may aircon. Bow. Good night.

Sharing.

2005-03-09T21:44:00.000+08:00

Parang sa bigat ng mga sama ng loob ko ngayon, nakalimutan ko nang ang ibang tao rin nga pala, may sari-sariling problema. Iba-iba nga lang ng klase, iba-iba ng level.. pero problema parin. Ilang araw na kong nadedepress dahil patong-patong na ang mga iniisip ko, buti na lang, today, kahit papano na-lift ang spirits ko at nakapag-release ng mga tinatago-tago kong feelings.

Ayun, walang NSTP nung morning, kaya sa bahay lang ako.. dumaan sandali ng school dahil kinailangan mag-usap-usap ng grp ko sa GenDev, tapos tinawagan ako ni (Jen)nica sa cel. Nangangamusta lang. Bigla ko na lang nasabing "Gusto mo daan ako jan?" (Nasa UP sya at that time). Wala lang. Last week lang naman eh lumabas kami, at usually once a month lang kaming nagkikita. Eion. So tumambay muna ako sa school kasi may kailangan siyang gawin hanggang mga 5pm, tapos nung mga 4:30 eh pumunta na ko ng Diliman. Aww. Shet, shet, shet. Reminiscing mode ako. As in todo-senti. Wala pa namang masyadong tao, kasi nga Wednesday. Grabe. Naappreciate ko nanaman ang ganda ng UP. Miss na miss ko na ang environment, yung mga building, yung feeling na kahalubilo mo ang mga pinakamatatalinong tao sa 'Pinas. Ang saya, na ang lungkot din. Ang dami kong naalala. Shempre namiss ko lalo si Che. Bumili ako ng monay habang naghihintay, at kahit malamig na yun, sobrang nasarapan parin ako. Parang ang tagal na mula nung huli akong kumain nun. Samantalang dati-rati eh araw-araw yung ang merienda ko. Badtrip pa, hindi na ko makakapasok ng MainLib. Kasi nga hindi na valid ang ID ko. *Waaah!*

Hurtful. So freakin' hurtful.

Anyway, nagkita na kami ni Nica tapos punta na ng Katips as usual. Naaliw ako dahil nakita ko sina Mrs. Rilloraza at Mrs. Eusebio sa National. Pero siyempre hindi ko na sila nilapitan at kinausap. Hehe. Si Mang Pablo na lang, na nakita ko nakatambay sa labas. Pati si Ms. Cimafranca, na grad pala ng PWU-Taft. Ayun. Bumili ako ng Spongebob VCD para sa adik kong pinsan na si Chloe, at si Nica na-persuade ko bumili ng Fight Club. (Edward Norton and Brad Pitt! Hay. And hindi nga lang sila ang reason kung bakit love ko ang movie na 'to. Parang.. bonus lang na sila ang nandun. *sigh*) So ayun. Kahit papano nakapag-usap kami ni Nica tungkol sa mga bagay-bagay na ngbobother samin.. etc. Part I yun ng mga 'pagrerelease' ko. Hehe. Tapos, katxt ko si JR nun, di siya makapagdecide kung hahabol siya samin or not. In the end, umabot naman siya, habang kumakain kami ni Nics sa may Mrs. Fields. Hindi rin nagtagal si Nica kasi may exam siya the next day, kaya umalis na rin siya agad. Aliw talaga na magkakilala na silang dalawa tlga. Happy ako na two of my closest friends could sit together and actually have a real conversation, as if friends na rin tlga sila. La lang. It was just a great feeling being with the both of them. Eion, JR and I hung out at Cello's, kung saan naman naganap ang Part II. Siyempre hindi ko na isheshare ang mga pinag-usapan namin dito, basta happy ako na nakapag-usap kami nung araw na yun. Nung sinundo kami, kasama si Chloe sa kotse kaya nagkwentuhan sila ni Jasmine. Ang tawag ni Chloe sa kanya eh "Ati-Ahsmin". Hihi. Cute!

Lahat ng nangyari sa araw na 'to eh hindi planado. Siguro totoo nga na minsan mas maganda pag hindi nagpplano, kasi pag may plano hindi natutuloy. Naalala ko tuloy ang isa sa mga favorite words namin ni Nica, "spontaneous"! Haha.

Yun nga lang, pagkauwi, back to reality nanaman. Tapos bukas, back to school. Back to everything. Pero ayos lang. Hindi na ko kasing *down* tulad ng really, really L O W point ko last week. Hay. Ayoko nang isipin ang mga araw na yun.

Burp.

2005-02-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

Wala lang.

Sa Eastwood.

Wasaaak.

Balentayns.

2005-02-14T18:59:00.000+08:00

I've always been apathetic towards Valentine's Day. Whether or not my so-called 'love life' was okay, I just didn't care that much about this day. No bitter feelings whatsoever. Talaga!

I was talking with JR yesterday.. and only listened with half an ear when she was talking about how tomorrow (er.. today) was supposed to be a 'day of mourning'. I remember just shrugging it off.. I don't have a date this year, but I'm not really that bummed about it. I just didn't care.

But then..

5 p.m. -- I had my wake up call. Literally. Figuratively. Whatsoever. And now everything has changed.

She was right, after all. Today is a day of mourning.

Luau.

2005-02-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

Two pics from Gar's debut at Rembrandt. (02/05/05)

Group pic! :)

I'm so proud of these guys. Galing ng batchmates ko! Hehe.

Aloha..oy. =)

Kuwaderno Reloaded.

2005-01-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

Hmm. I can't decide.

Should I offer some sort of explanation for the absence of any new posts since... (checks last update)... *gasp!* October 2004?!... or should I just continue blogging and pretend like nothing happened?
[Translation: Should I be all nice, boring, and considerate to the readers of this blog and give all the sordid details of what went on in this big joke that I call life, that made me unable to post for the last few months? Or should I be all enigmatic and mysterious and leave everything to the readers' imagination? *cue smokey lights and misty glow*]

Hmm. Since I'm one of those people who believe in the gray area between the proverbial black and white, I guess I'll trudge the 'safe' middle path. I therefore state that..... I've been through some rough times, and I didn't think I could handle writing about them. In addition to that, I've been really, really, really busy.

So there. It's 2005 (gosh! I feel old! Heh.), it's a new term (at least for my schoolmates), and I'm in the mood for some bloggin' fun. =)

Here's to '05, and here's to another shot at a better life! Cheers!

RaNd0m

~ Something I read in a 5th grade classroom I visited a while ago: The essence of life is the art of living it. ~

~ Sharing: I went shopping today, masyado kong naappreciate ang difference ng presyong $$$ sa presyong Php. Kaya nag-enjoy akong mamili. ~

~ Wala na akong jet lag. (Yup, galing po ako ng States. Nung Sunday ako dumating.) Nakita ko si Mary sa mall kanina. Saya! So weird nanaman na may 'collision' ang aking mga mundo. Nakasama ko in one place ang ilang Pidabs friends ko at isang Peyups close friend. Kahapon lang, ay hinde, nung isang araw pala, na-meet na finally ni JR si Ate Ella. Wala lang. Weird ang pakiramdam. Hehe. Nung maliit ako, ayoko nung PTC ek-ek (Parent-Teacher Conference) at iba pang school activities/affairs na kakailanganin pumunta ng pamilya ko sa school. Kasi ayokong nagkakatagpo yung dalawang magkaiba kong mundo - yung sa bahay at yung sa school. Pero siyempre iba naman yun. Hehe. Shinare ko lang. Eto na lang. Naalala ko tuloy ang naimagine ko before... na what if nasa iisang place lahat ng mga mahal ko sa buhay at yung mga people na closest to me...? Pero I'll write about that some other time na lang. ~

~ Miss ko na talaga si Che. Iba talaga ang feeling ngayong naranasan ko na ulit na makasama siya. Ang hirap tuloy ngayong hindi nanaman kami magkikita. Hay. Basta. ~

~ Balik na ko sa sirkulasyon ng mga forwarded messages (well, Sun kasi eh..). Minsan nakakabwiset, minsan nakakaaliw. Comme ci, comme ca. Parang buhay ko. Hehe. ~

~ New look ang friendster. Hindi na Beta. Hindi super "wow", pero maganda naman. Mejo malinis na ang interface at kahit simple lang, eye-candy. ~

~ Sa wakas! Ang mga pasalubong ay unti-unti ko nang naipapamigay. Nabawasan na ang kalat sa kwarto ko (although hindi pa completely). ~

~ Si Chloe ay tinatawag ko na ngayon na 'Bilog'. Hehe. Nakakagigil! Nagkalaman na siya sa wakas, at super daldal na niya. Haaay. ~

~ Ang pangit ng sched ko this sem. Argh. AAARGGGHHH. Pero wala na kong magagawa, kaya I'll make the most out of it na lang. ~

~ Tama na. Matutulog na ko. May pasok nga pala ako tomorrow. ~

N.R.

2004-10-10T10:07:00.000+08:00

Two days before my birthday... and I have nothing to say. Heh.

Metapora.

2004-09-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

Hinihintay ang pagdating ng panahon na malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Pinagmamasdan ang paligid, nagbabakasakaling hindi na nagtatago ang mga talang sinasabit sa mga bintana. Nakikiramdam, naghahanap ng tinig ng mga batang nag-iikot-ikot, may dalang mga latang lalagyan ng barya. Bumabangon ng maaga, inaabangan ang pagtunog ng kampanang nagtatawag sa mga may nais hilingin. Tinitingala ang langit, pinapanood ang pagpapalitan ng liwanag at dilim -- pinagdadasal na sana makisabay ito sa pagkurap ng aking mga mata.

Deezeezeet.

2004-09-19T15:08:00.000+08:00

Ang kulit ng tiyan ko. Nagtutumbling.

Yahoo! (pun intended)

2004-09-18T10:26:00.000+08:00

Sa wakas! May Gmail na ko! Waaahhh... Antagal-tagal ko nang naghahanap ng makakapagbigay sakin ng invitation for this. Thank God for fellow shipper and CSI fanatic, Ann! Yahoooo!

Kaya everyone, dito niyo na ko i-email ha... With 1GB storage, never na ko magdedelete ng kahit anong message... Hay! Saya. (pero siyempre buhay na buhay parin ang Yahoo! account ko. Hehe.)

--> kat.santos@gmail.com

For more info about Gmail, go to http://gmail.google.com.

Trip.

2004-09-15T20:35:00.000+08:00

I went on a trip down memory lane, both literally and figuratively.

My guy bestfriend Niel had this "project" (bawal muna sabihin... saka na lang... hehe.. ;-p) that involved a video camera, his car, our old batchmates, and a whole lot of memories.

Anyway, I was his companion for today, so I had the chance to allow myself to be the senti and corny person that I am. Nagpunta kami sa place kung saan kami nag-Senior prom, dun sa may Capitol Hills... Pero hindi na ko bumaba ng kotse, medyo marami kasing tao, eh para makuhanan ni Niel ng maayos yung loob, mag-isa na lang siya para hindi na mapansin masyado. Tapos pumunta kaming AFP Theater, at ang swerte namin kasi hanggang sa mismong loob na loob eh nakapasok kami. Nag-enjoy akong magtatatakbo sa mga aisle, habang kumukuha ng footage si pards. Doon na rin niya ko kinuhanan ng "interview". Pagkatapos sa theater, nag-ikot-ikot kami ng AFP kasi di namin maalala kung saan naganap yung Junior Prom namin... Basta ang alam lang namin, banda doon lang din. Maya-maya, nakita rin namin... Weird kasi katabi lang pala nung theater, umikot lang kami at napalayo. Haha. Hindi ito pang-Amazing Race! Ayun, napasok din namin yung place, at nagkaroon ng konting glimpse nung hall kung san kami ng-prom. (Take note, kaming dalawa yung emcees nung gabing yon! hehehe...) Eion. Masaya... Kasi nakapag-reminisce ako; akala ko hindi na ko mabibigyan ng chance na makita ulit ang mga lugar na 'yon. Nakakaaliw yung feeling sa loob-loob mo kapag nabibisita mo yung lugar kung saan naganap ang mga magagandang memories nung High School, kasi kahit parang ang tagal na nun, eh parang nagkakaroon ka ng reality check na --uy-- totoo nga palang naganap lahat ng 'yon, at hindi panaginip lang. After nga pala nun, hinatid na rin niya ko sa bahay. Nagka-migraine nga ako pagdating ko eh. Ewan ko ba kung bakit. Hehe.

I mentioned the Amazing Race kanina; yung episode ngayon eh yung nandito sila sa 'Pinas. Enjoy! Hahaha... Maganda yung epi, hindi dahil biased ako pero dahil sobrang nakaka-tense talaga lahat ng nangyari, and hanggang sa last minute eh hindi ko mahulaan kung ano yung mangyayari.

Ayun. Hanggang dito na muna at nagugutom nanaman ako. Hehe.

Pards at work!

A poem.

2004-09-15T13:18:00.000+08:00

Courtesy of B.

Love's Philosophy
Percy Bysshe Shelley

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix forever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle—
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdain'd its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea—
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou are not kissing me?

Yestahday.

2004-09-14T09:08:00.000+08:00

I adore my little cousin Chloe, but I am slowly edging towards the brink of insanity, (no)thanks to all those Barney videos that she insists on playing over and over… and over. Allow me to quote my ever-reliable bishpren Jasmine’s parody of one of the most popular songs of that sickeningly cheerful dinosaur, “I hate you… You hate me… Let’s get together and kill Barney!” (Cue devilish soap opera kontrabida laugh…)

I don’t know why that totally random piece of information had to seep through my idly typing fingers (one that somewhat shows the expertly hidden sadist part of me, even). Forgive me; I’m just so incredibly annoyed. Right now, I’m turning the volume up on my headphones to drown out that overgrown purple mascot’s nauseating laugh.

Enough about that.

Yesterday Jasmine and I watched The Notebook. We’ve both read the novel back in high school, but we’ve already forgotten most of the story, so we simply had to see the film. So what can I say about the movie? One word (is it even a word?): *sob*. Damn. It was cheesy, yes, at times, but... we couldn't help but blubber throughout the whole thing. At enjoy na enjoy naman kaming humagulhol, noh. Masarap titigan si Ryan Gosling eh. Hehe.

We were the most wet creatures in the moviehouse; aside from all the crying, we both forgot to bring our umbrellas and ended up walking in the rain from the MRT Station to the mall. Almost every part of us was dripping (like my hair) and soggy (like her socks! Eeeewww...). Oh, well.

My favorite part of the day? We were eating at Magoo's, talking about our good friends David and Krista (who I had the fortune to catch up with through text the other night), when I had the silliest of urges to do a Diether, to which we had a really good laugh over. (Y'know, the twisting pizza thing...) Babaw, noh? Wala lang. Talagang sa little things ako nasisiyahan eh. :)

When I got home, Mary called. We talked 'til after midnight, and the reason that I am mentioning this here is because I wanted to share my facial expression for the whole duration of our conversation. Ready? Drum roll, please......: O_O;

Yes, those two O's were my eyes, the "_" my mouth, and the ";" is cold sweat. Haha. Yun lang.

Kwento lang.

2004-09-11T13:42:00.000+08:00

Wala ako sa mood na magmuni-muni tungkol sa pinagmulan ng mundo ngayong araw na 'to, kaya magkukuwento na lang ako. :-)

Natitigan ko nanaman si Oble kahapon. Nasa Quezon Hall kasi ako para panoorin at suportahan si Mary at Marivic sa recital nila (Kontra Gapi). Ang saya, bilib na bilib ako sa kanila. Proud na proud ako sa mga kaibigan ko -- shempre, ang hirap din ng praktis nila noh, matagal-tagal na rin nilang pinaghahandaan 'to eh. Natutuwa rin ako kay Diokno, Jairus at yung isang classmate ko dati sa Archaeo at Chem na tumugtog din, at nagulantang sa dati kong kaklase sa Math 100 noong sumayaw siya ng Ati-atihan (dahil napakatahimik niya sa klase dati at parang halos hindi gumagalaw). Haha... :p Sa wakas ay nakilala ko na rin nga pala sa personal si Upton na kaibigan ni Mary.

Nakausap ko si Niel, at natuwa ako dahil kahit madalas ko siyang nakakausap lately, mas matagal-tagal ko siyang nakadaldalan kagabi. Miss ko na rin 'yang pards ko eh. Minsan kasi iba pa rin ang samahan 'pag tipong mga batang paslit pa lang kayo eh magkakilala na.

Nga pala, Cheering Competition na bukas! God bless sa UP Pep Squad! UP Fight! :)

Kakornihan.

2004-09-09T20:14:00.000+08:00

Sobrang stressed ako nitong dalawang huling araw. Ayoko nga ikwento dito kung ano ang nangyari; in denial pa rin ako eh. Basta ok na ngayon, hindi ko na masyado pinobroblema. Hihintay ko na lang ang Sept. 20. *buntong hininga*

Pero.

Bakit kaya ganun? Ang sama-sama ng araw ko eh. Pagod ako, magulo ang utak ko, ang dami kong iniisip na kung pwede sana eh ayoko nang isipin.

Pero.

Tumawag si B... Shet. Nag-iba ang mundo. Para bang lumiwanag nanaman, kahit lumubog na ang araw at makapal ang ulap sa labas. Iba talaga... Iba talaga pagdating sa kanya. Unang dinig ko pa lang sa boses niya, parang nanliit na lahat ng inaalala ko. Lumiit nang lumiit, naging kapipiranggot na dumi sa may paanan ko, kayang-kaya nang apakan at ibaon sa lupa.

Ang gaan. Ang sarap ng pakiramdam. Gusto kong pumikit na lang at pakinggan ang kanyang bawat salita. Gusto ko lang malunod sa musika ng kanyang boses. Gusto kong namnamin ang bawat minuto ng limitado naming oras, at kabisaduhin ang bawat buntong hininga niya, para maya-maya, pagbaba ng telepono, maaari ko itong balik-balikan.

Gusto ko sanang laging ganito. Gusto kong 'wag nang matapos ang (bitin na bitin na) halos isang oras naming pag-uusap.

Pero.

You have 3 minutes remaining.

*sigh*

Nagmamadali naming sinabi ang mga pangako sa isa't isa. Ang mga habiling sinasambit pa rin kahit sigurado namang tinutupad na. Ang mga sinisigaw ng damdaming kung tutuusin ay magkatulad... iisa.

"Ano ba 'to, B, ang hirap ng gan'to... To ----"

*click* *busy tone*

Bye, B. Sana umuwi ka na...

Pero.

Hindi na niya 'yon narinig.

High.

2004-09-07T21:13:00.000+08:00

Happy ako. Buong hapon ko siya kausap eh. :-)

Hay.

2004-09-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

Pumunta ako ng UP kanina, para kunin ang clearance ko. Pero malamang, hindi lang yun yung dahilan ng pagpunta ko. Batong-bato na kasi ako sa bahay, nababaliw na kakaisip kay B, at siyempre namimiss ko na ang peyups.

Nakakatuwa ang araw na 'to; pakiramdam ko masaya nanaman ang buhay dahil nakita ko ang mga kaibigan kong dati eh halos araw-araw kong nakakasama. Hay.

Pagkagaling ng OUR, tumambay ako sa tapat ng FC habang hinihintay ang text ni Nica. Ang usapan namin ay maglulunch kami, pero gutom na gutom na ko kaya hindi ko napigilang bumili ng paborito kong kalahating footlong (with gulay, mustard at mayo, siyempre). Nasa kalahati na ako ng kalahati kong hotdog noong bigla akong nakarinig ng "Kaaat!", at sa paglingon ko nakita ko si Vic na patakbong lumapit sa akin. Tawa kami ng tawa kasi hindi ko man lang daw nabanggit na pupunta ako, eh tamang-tama napag-usapan nila ni Mary na 'what if' daw dumating ako bigla. Hehe. Naalala ko tuloy nung sinorpresa ko silang dalawa, pero ngayon hindi ko nagawa kasi absent si Mary at alam niya na pupunta ako ng UP. Nagpaalam na rin ako sa kanya nung dumating na si Nica, at nagsabing babalik din ako pagkatapos namin kumain.

Medyo masama ang pakiramdam ni mareng Nica, pero siyempre go na go siya dahil ngayon lang kami ulit magkakasama. Matagal-tagal na rin naming gustong lumabas, kaso dahil mahigpit na ang sked niya dahil sangkatutak nanaman ang exam, eh hindi matuloy-tuloy. Kumain kami sa Katipunan, sa Yellow Cab, kung saan nabitin kami sa 10" pizza na inorder namin. Pinag-usapan namin ang pareho naming nalalapit na birthday at na-interview pa kami ng dalawang Atenistang may proyekto tungkol sa mga political dynasties. Pumayag kami sa pag-aakalang may sasagutan lang kaming maikling survey; yun pala, kailangan naming humarap sa video at sabihin ang aming opinyon. Ewan. Nabulol-bulol ako, at pakiramdam ko walang sense ang sinabi ko. Haha. Pagkatapos naming kumain, pinanggigilan namin ang mga Neil Gaiman stuff doon sa 3rd floor ng FBR, at nangako sa isa't isa na makokolekta namin ang lahat ng iyon kapag mayaman na kami. Hay.

Bumalik na rin agad si Nica sa UP; nagpunta naman ako ng National Bookstore. Bumili ako ng dalawang libro (juskopo, nangayayat nanaman ang wallet ko), at nagbasa-basa sa taas ng Pugad Baboy habang hinihintay si Mary. Hay. May kakaibang incident na nangyari sa kaibigan kong ito, pero hindi ko na ikukwento pa dito at baka batukan ako nun kapag binisto ko siya. Hahahaha... Pero siyempre, lahat ng problema ay may solusyon, kaya matapos gawan ng paraan ang kanyang misfortune, sumakay na kami ng Katips jeep at pumunta (bumalik, para sa akin) ng UP.

Matagal-tagal din kami tumambay ni Mary sa casaa, nagpapalipas-oras (kasi may training siya ng alas singko). Dati eh sukang-suka na ko sa lugar na yun pero ngayon, siyempre nag-enjoy ako sa pag-rereminisce ng mga bagay-bagay na nangyari dati doon. Na-excite ako noong makita ko si Pet. Nasiyahan din ako dahil parang tuwang-tuwa naman siyang makita ako. Hehe. Tinext ko si Kristine dahil alam kong sa Educ yung klase niya, kaya puwede siyang dumaan sa casaa pagkatapos. Kaklase nga pala niya si Arnica sa subject niya dun, kaya nakasama rin ito. Waaah... Ngayon lang ulit gumana ng todo ang vocal chords ko, dahil sa taas ng energy level ko sa pagkukwento sa kanila. Hay. Nakakamiss talaga.

Ang dami ko pang nakitang dating kaklase, dating katabi, dating ka-grupo, dating kasa-kasama... Namiss ko silang lahat. Pero sa bawat pinuntahan kong lugar sa UP, lagi kong naaalala si Che, at yung mga panahon na paikot-ikot lang kami na wala naman talagang pupuntahan, pero masaya.. kasi kami yung magkasama. Hay.

Nakalimutan ko tuloy na inaantok na ako at kanina pa gustong matulog. Masyado ata akong nag-enjoy magkuwento dito. Sige, bukas na nga lang ulit...

Hay. Nakakamiss naman.

Fighting Maroons.

2004-09-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

Oh, well. All good things must come to an end. Congrats to the Green Archers! Ayos lang, it's goodbye to the Final Four bid, but it's been one heck of a good season for the Maroons. I'm proud of the team. *UP Fight!*

Dante, bastardized.

2004-09-03T22:08:00.000+08:00

Jasmine and I met left earth and went out to eat today.

Kitaro = Purgatory (yes, purgatory, because heaven comes later). I just *love* Japanese food. When it comes to chow, I'm not the least bit patriotic. I can never get enough of the Maki thingies and Sushi. I'd come to my senses and cease the ordering of more of those mouth-watering uncooked raw goodies only when my wallet turns into a vacuum. Damn. My tummy is starting to grumble again, awoken by the sweet memories of my funnel-shaped Tuna Temaki, leisurely dipped in the nostril-tingling mixture of Kikkoman soy sauce and wasabi. *sigh*

Anyway, after lunch and a little strolling, we headed for our tambayan for the next two hours or so. Mocha Blends = Heaven. Jasmine had this cake (sheesh, I forgot the name again.. 'marjolaine'?) which I could only have a few bites off because this girl turns into quite a hog (pun intended) when it comes to eating. She then convinced me to purchase the house bestseller, Mocha Frost. Who am I to argue with my favorite food guru? There goes another hundred bucks. But it was well worth it. I could barely concentrate on Jasmine's Amazing Race 5 tales when I was busy contemplating how the wonders of paradise could possibly be confined in the glass that I am holding. I marveled at every sip that I took, and became lost with every wave of mocha goodness rushing over my tongue, enslaving my taste buds. Yum.

We stepped out of the little cafe, and was transported immediately back to earth -- back to reality where my UP Fighting Maroons will be battling her DLSU Green Archers (though I think talo na kami dito... hehe.)

So for now, galit-galit muna. *smiles*

Next time, I'm buying my own marjolaine.

Winning Maroons Part III!!!

2004-09-02T18:44:00.000+08:00

I am still in shock, actually.

Ako ay naiiyak, nanghihina, nanlalambot (to quote my good friend Sheryl)... Dahil natalo ng UP Fighting Maroons ang Ateneo Blue Eagles, wait... di ko alam ang score dahil masyado akong nawindang sa tuwa. 6th consecutive win for the 2nd round! Holy Shyet. Akala ko talo na dito eh. Thank you, Lord!!! Waaaahhhh..... Ang saya-saya talaga.

Adios, Agosto.

2004-09-02T13:37:00.000+08:00

Sabi ko kay B kaninang umaga, "Buti na lang tapos na ang August." Paano, puro kamalasan ata at kakaibang mga pagbabago ang dumagsa sa buhay ko sa buwan na 'yan. Gusto ko na nga makalimutan ang yugtong na iyon ng buhay ko. I-cecelebrate ko na lang ang pagdating ng panahon ng mga "Ber"! September na! Yea! Sandali na lang, kaarawan ko na. Konting usog pa, Disyembre na. At, kung papalarin, makikita ko na ang dalawang taong pinakamamahal ko, na hindi ko pa makasama ngayon.

Masaya nga ang pasok ng buwan na ito sa akin eh. Sana nga lang, magtuloy-tuloy na.

Nga pala, masyado akong naaliw sa pinakahuling entry ni mareng M sa kanyang blog. Hay! Buhay nga naman. Kahit sabihin ko man sa kanya na "Marami pang ibang isda sa dagat", alam kong hindi rin ako magiging makatotohanan. Kasi naiintindihan ko na kapag nakita at nahanap mo na ang isdang talagang mamahalin mo, aba, mahirap na talagang pakawalan pa ito. Kaya ang masasabi ko na lang, nandito lang ako. Suportahan ta ka. Sana lang huwag ka na masyadong matinik. Masakit eh. Hindi lang sa'yo, kundi pati rin sa akin. Pero in fairness, iba rin ang dating sa'kin pag siya na ang usapan. Alam mo naman 'yon, diba? Hehehe.

Gusto ko nang pumasok ulit. Pakiramdam ko, bobong-bobo na ko, at ang alam ko na lang gawin ay mag-computer buong hapon. Masaya ang maging bum... sa una. Pero habang tumatagal, hinahanap-hanap mo rin pala ang paggising ng maaga, at pagbabasa ng mga dapat isiksik sa utak mong tila overloaded na. Yun nga lang, kinakabahan naman akong pumasok. Kasi nga sigurado na kong loner ako sa bago kong paaralan. Ako na yung magiging 'new girl' na pinagtitinginan at pinag-iisipan ng kung anu-ano. Hay. Gud lak na lang sa'kin. UP Fight parin. Hehehe.

Alis muna 'ko sandali, nagugutom ako eh.

P.S. Audz, congrats ha! Aba naman! I'm proud of ya, girl. Tell me kung anong site at iboboto kita ng paulit-ulit. AT ipapaboto din kita sa mga kakilala ko. Hwahahaha....!!!

38.

2004-09-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

Si 'Cursed' (Oo, 'cursed' daw siya eh.. hehe) ay dumalaw sa akin kanina, at sinamahan akong tumambay buong hapon dito sa lunggang tinatawag kong bahay.

Madami ang 'kaibigan', kaklase, ka-batch, kabarkada, kainuman at kasa-kasama. Pero minsan lang dumating ang kaibigan na makakasama mo kahit "wala lang", nakakaintindi ng mga kalokohan at kaartehan na hindi ma-gets ng iba, at hindi nakakasuya kapag may katahimikang biglang sisingit habang kayo ay magkasama. Masaya ako dahil isa siya dun sa 'kaibigan' na madalang mahanap ngayon, at nagpapasalamat ako dahil pakiramdam ko ay nadagdagan ang matatalik kong kaibigan. Yung tunay, yung totoo, yung maaasahan (ngek!). Hehe.

Tama na ang kasentihan. Hindi bagay sa akin. Si Chloe ay kasalukuyang tumatakbo-takbo at sumisigaw-sigaw, kaya hindi ako masyadong makapag-concentrate sa tinatype ko dito. Kaya ititigil ko na muna rito ang aking kauna-unahang Tagalog na entry, at mag-uumpisa na 'kong magdasal para sa Fighting Maroons na kakalabanin bukas ang Blue Eagles. Hay. Hindi ko yata kakayanin ang manood bukas. Baka himatayin ako sa tensyon dahil baka matapos na ang maliligayang araw naming naka-5 game winning streak na. Gud lak. UP Fight pa rin. Yeah!

Tracks.

2004-08-31T18:26:00.000+08:00

Balisong :: Rivermaya
I've been a Rivermaya fan ever since the days of Bamboo, way back in.. uhm.. grade school. Like the Eraserheads and Parokya ni Edgar, this band's songs are what I consider classic. Heh. Walang kokontra, basta para sa'kin ganun eh. Hehe. At first I didn't like this song. The melody isn't very catching, and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why Balisong is entitled.. well, Balisong. However, after playing and re-playing, and re-playing, and re-playing the Rivermaya cd Mary and I bought last month, I slowly find myself getting quite addicted to it. I guess many people can relate (with me included) to the line "Nobody's made me feel this way before / You're everything I wanted, and more", but my favorite lines are "For all I know you only see me as a friend / I try to tell myself 'wake up, fool, this fairy tale's got to end'". I love how Rico sings this part.
One comment, though: I like Rico Blanco, but I am quite bothered by his lips in the gigantic canvass streamer of Pepsi at SM North. Peace, Rico Fans! Ok lang yan, JR thinks it's "sexy". Ow-kay.

Accidentally in Love :: Counting Crows
My FSftM (Favorite Song for the Moment). The very first time I heard this in the theater when JR and I watched Shrek 2, I knew that I'd be buying the movie's soundtrack (the moment that I have enough dough. heh.) I dunno. The lyrics don't really make that much sense to me, and I'm not a big fan of Shrek, et al... but I enjoy this song a lot. I've listened to it for, like, fifty times.. and I'm still not getting tired of it. Hmm. Maybe by the sixtieth time, I won't like it anymore. Haha. Just like Big Yellow Taxi (Counting Crows version), which I eventually got out of my system after being an acquiescent slave to its catchy melody for almost a month. "These lines of lightning mean we're never alone / never alone / no, no..."

Sweetest Goodbye :: Maroon 5
"Pushing forward and arching back / Bring me closer to heart attack" *sigh* I love every song in Maroon 5's album. I have no favorites, but I chose Sweetest Goodbye because it's the last track, and therefore the first song I can remember.

Solitaire :: Clay Aiken
Not only have I watched Clay's performance of Solitaire on American Idol Season 2 a *lot* of times already (and I mean a whole damn lot, I tell you), I also have four different versions of this song (videos!) on my pc! Am I obsessed, or am I obsessed? There is just something about his voice! Damn. He's so endearingly geeky and I love him to pieces. *blush* "Solitaaaaiiiirrrrrrrhhhheeee......."
I must quote Neil Sedaka (who wrote Solitaire) who cried (yes, he actually cried) when Clay first sang Solitaire last year in AI2: "Bravo, Clay. I have lost my song forever to you -- it will always be a Clay Aiken song." Well said.

Color Everywhere :: Christian Bautista
Speaking of reality tv show contestants, I remember when Christian Bautista first appeared on ASAP Mania, back when Star in a Million was just a segment of that show. I immediately got struck by this guy's smile, and of course, his voice. He was so different from all the other contenders that I was quite sure that he'd get into the finals. Well, SiaM moved on to primetime, and Erik Santos won the title.. but I was and still am a Christian fanatic, and I didn't really care if he won or not. He's already a star, anyway. Oh, by the way, Christian Bautista is from UP! =) "And now, there's color everywhere...."

Not Myself :: John Mayer
Memories of the Bridge, and B, come to life whenever I hear John Mayer strumming the opening notes of track # 12 of his first(?) album, Room for Squares. Yun lang. *haaay.*

The Scientist :: Coldplay
I think about my favorite odd couple every time I hear this song. It's so fitting, eh. At siyempre may video ako ni G and S na ito ang kanta. Hehe. If anyone can relate to my being a shipper to two geeky forensic investigators, e-mail me and let's go out for coffee sometime. Haha. It's hard to find fellow Pinoys these days, who understand what I'm blabbing about. Right, Ate Mocs? *wink* "Questions of science / science and progress / do not speak as loud as my heart"

With A Smile :: Eraserheads
One of those classics I was talking about a while ago. I still have my old cd and every time I'm feeling quite down, I listen to this song. This is one of my all-time favorites, hands down. I remember that I was in the third grade when Dea sang this in Music class, and that was the first time I first heard it. I've loved it ever since. "Lift your head / Baby, don't be scared of the things that could go wrong along the way..."

Winning Maroons Part II.

2004-08-28T20:28:00.000+08:00

Oh. My. God. Oh. My. God.

The UP Fighting Maroons beat the defending champs, FEU Tamaraws, 61-56!!! 5-game winning streak na!

GO U.P. ! Hay! Ang sarap ng feeling.

Chloeictionary.

2004-08-27T17:25:00.000+08:00

poppers (poh-pers, sometimes poh-persh) : flower / flowers, anything that resembles a flower
apis (ah-peez!) : cockroach, or any large insect
Bombomps (bohm-bompz) : Spongebob Squarepants
Tarty (tahr-teeh) : Patrick Star, Spongebob's Buddy
Narney (nar-neeh) : Barney, a purple dinosaur that is probably gay
Tum-tum (tum-tum) : Mickey Mouse
bibi (bee-beeh!) : baby
tertel (ter-tehl) : turtle
pish (pish) : fish
antz (antsh) : ants, or any small insect
brooom-brooom (brrrooomm-brrrooomm) : car, "I want to go somewhere"
tar (tahr) : star
moon (muhn) : moon
tun (tahn) : sun
ay! (ay!) : "Hi!"
a pah (ah-pah) : "One more!"
a la nah (ah-lah-nah) : "No more!"
miyoh (mee-yoh) : cat
dandy (den-dee) : candy
bluns (bloohns) : balloons
Ta (tah) : Ate Kat
Dada (dah-dah) : Daddy
Mami (mah-mee) : Mommy
Ti Lala (tih-lah-lah) : Ate Laarnie
Ku Buboht (ku-bu-boht) : Kuya Bebot
Jonji (djohn-djee) : Uncle Joey
Bil (beeehl) : Ate Belle
Yowie (yoh-weeh) : Chloe =)

Our little princess.
My cousin, Chloe. One year old and a half.

Rain.

2004-08-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

I just wanted to get out of the house. Ang lakas ng ulan, akala ko hindi na ko makakaalis ngayong araw na 'to. Well, I still got up at around 5:45 am - which is *quite* hard for me to do nowadays - because even though it was raining so hard, JR still had to pass this final paper for her religion (?) class, and I was coming with her. So with our umbrellas, mobile phones, and jackets in tow, we were off to Taft. Sugod!

Ang galing ni Jasmine, naipuslit niya ako papasok ng DLSU. Haha. Todo-acting din ako na nagmamadali at nakipatong din ako ng wallet sa scanner para di halata. Hay. She gave me mini-tour of her school (Yuchengco Building rocks! Swear!), but had to cut it short because I haven't had breakfast yet and I was already getting dizzy because of hunger. We ate at Tropical, where I told her all about the *really, really bad* events (and revelations?) of yesteday. Then we were back on the train tracks (LRT/MRT!) to Galleria. We watched The Stepford Wives, ate lunch, strolled around the mall (which we have already probably memorized by now), then decided to catch another movie-- Laws of Attraction. I loved Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore! *sigh* Oh, I forgot... I saw Ysa in the restroom of the theater where LoA was shown. Grabe, na-miss ko siya. We were so excited to see each other that I almost forgot to introduce her to Jasmine. Heh. Anyway, I also bought a toothbrush (and holder!) for my "stash" at JR's place. Then around 6-6:30, after one more round food and more rants about my unfortunate life (which we easily turned into funny stuff that we could joke about... Pinoy talaga) we headed home.

Funny how one simple paragraph could contain most of the things that we did today... But... It's much more than that. Oh, well. At least I have a little reminder of this day-- this wonderful, ironic (ironic, how? Don't ask..) day.

I didn't even notice the rain that much.

Thanks, JR. Sana 'di ka naman masyadong nagsawa sa mukha ko kahit lampas dose oras tayong nagkasama, mula pa umaga. Sana 'di ka rin magsawa sa mga darating pang araw na magsasama tayo. Madami na tayong napagdaanan, pero mahaba-haba pa ang lalakbayin natin, chong. :)

Bad day? Nah.

2004-08-25T22:35:00.000+08:00

Worst day.

B.

2004-08-23T16:17:00.000+08:00

For you -- you won't be reading this, but... Thanks for everything, and I love you.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it
You treat me like I´m a princess
I´m not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You´ve already won me over in spite of me
Don´t be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don´t be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn´t help it
It´s all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You´re so much braver than I gave you credit for
That´s not lip service

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience
You´re the best listener that I´ve ever met
You´re my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long
I´ve never felt this healthy before
I´ve never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now

-- Head Over Feet, Alanis Morissette

Gagawin ko sanang bold yung mga lines na pinaka-nakakarelate ako, kaso nag-end up na bold na lahat... Hehe... Kaya hinayaan ko na lang...

Winning Maroons.

2004-08-22T17:24:00.000+08:00

Oh. My. Gawd. UP wins for the 4th straight time!

Oh, and congrats din to the Archers! hehe.

Inborn.

2004-08-21T23:37:00.000+08:00

I can wiggle my ears.

It's not exactly "wiggling"... But I can't think of a better word for now. Hee. It annoys the hell out of my friends (not the actual "wiggling", but my incessant bragging about being able to do this silly little.. er.. thing.), especially JR.

Why am I sharing this?

I found it pretty damn upsetting that when an application (like the app form I just filled out a few days ago), or some other data sheet requires such degrading and humiliating -- well, for pitiable creatures like me, at least -- information about what my 'talents and skills' are, I couldn't think of a respectable answer.

I don't sing (except when I am suffering from LSS, and no one wants to be with me during these unpleasant periods).. I can't dance (high school programs and cheering competitions where I was a perennial but unwilling participant don't really count).. I am not a musician (I stopped playing the piano in grade school, to my mom's extreme disappointment; also, knowing some guitar chords that enable me to strum along to my favorite songs doesn't really make me a musician).. and most of all, I don't have a sport (backyard badminton with Kuya Bebot and Pollux, once again, doesn't count).

I'm not sure if composing a paragraph that consists of quite a lot of parentheses counts as a skill, either.

So there. *sigh*

I can wiggle my ears.

Yesterday.

2004-08-19T22:24:00.000+08:00

Because the 18th of August was one of the longest days of my life (as of now... *yikes*) I was already too tired when I got home so I wasn't able to post. However, even now I am still not in the mood to write every excruciating detail of yesterday's events, so here's a rough outline of what I did (notice na ang laki ng agwat ng oras... ganyan talaga katagal!):

9-11:30 am :: PWU -- Interview(s), merienda with "Teacher" Bheng's class (Linggo ng Wika!)

11:45 am - 3:30 pm :: Carlo's house! (which is SO near the school -- I didn't believe him 'til I actually got there) -- Lunch (shrimp!!! Yum!!!), watched TV, slept (uh-huh)... we were waiting for Jasmine's txt eh.

3:45-7:30 pm :: At the mall. Merienda w/ Carlo and... window shopping! My feet were so sore that I wanted to collapse right in front of the really cute blouse that I saw in Bayo.

7:30 pm :: Jasmine *finally* arrives.

7:31-7:45 pm :: Walked, walked, walked.. while looking for a place to eat. My legs are aching so bad that I feel as though they are about to be amputated.

7:46-8:30 pm :: Dinner at Shakey's. Carlo then goes home ahead of us.

8:30-9:15 pm or so :: Again, more window shopping. Napaghahalatang broke. Hanggang window na lang shopping. Hehe. Oh, I forgot. We went to Goodwill Bookstore (annex), and I bought another Jane Austen novel.

9:20 pm :: Caught a cab.

9:45 :: At Jasmine's place again. I'm beginning to wonder if Tito will soon charge me for being an unofficial 'boarder'. Heh.

11:00 pm :: Auntie texts that she's on the way to pick me up.

11:15 :: F I N A L L Y. I'm home! *weary sigh*

Ayan. Hindi pa full details yan ha. That's why I wasn't able to post yesterday. The spirit was still quite willing, but the flesh was so weak that I thought my muscles had turned into jelly.

Luxuries.

2004-08-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

A new novel. A text message from an old friend. A phone call from a close friend. A new pair of sneakers. Newly developed photographs. The sound of (my one year old cousin) Chloe's laughter. Coffee. An e-mail from Che. Watching my Love Actually DVD for the nth time. A new Friendster testimonial. My mp3 player: Walking After You, The Reason, Not Myself, Accidentally in Love. My cd player: Maroon 5's Songs About Jane. Videos in my PC: Clay Aiken's AI2 performances, G/S vid clips, Spongebob Videos. Php 300 or better yet, 500 load from my dad. Yellow Cab pizza, with friends. Very buttery popcorn. Watching Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. The UP Fighting Maroons winning a game. Sushi. Sashimi. A 1.0 or 1.25. Fast internet connection. Getting together with old schoolmates and batchmates. Listening to Mary's stories. Footlongs with Marivic (w/ mustard!) Book shopping with (Jen)Nica. Laughing trips with Carlo. Hanging out with Jasmine. Talking to my mom. Daydreaming in bed, before going to sleep. Having a jacket when it's cold, and an umbrella when it's raining. My pillows. My blanket. My room. Contentment for today, and something to look forward to tomorrow.

Shallow.

2004-08-16T00:07:00.000+08:00

Thanks to Mary, I don't have to write the whole 'techno friend or fiend' thing anymore. I finally found out how to activate and deactivate our call waiting. Gawd. After years of being a PLDT subscriber, it is only now that I learned about this! What an ignoramus. Where's the dangblasted ::blush:: icon when you need it?

Here's to trouble-free internet surfing! (Cue devilish laugh fit for selfish and immature people like me) Bwahahahaha...........

Old friends.

2004-08-15T21:24:00.001+08:00

Yesterday's post is (and will remain) unfinished. No wonder the internet connection was shittier than usual; Carbo (Carlo + Bonzon = CarBo) and JR have been calling for quite some time now. Because of call waiting, even while I'm on the net, calls can actually get through. :: Hmm. Call waiting. Techno friend or techno fiend? Hihi. I'll save that for other future nonsensical posts. :: Anyway, Carlo wanted to see the FEU vs. DLSU game. Jasmine didn't want to go, even if it was her school who's playing. After some minutes of bickering and pleading (on Carlo's part), the three of us agreed to meet at McDo Quezon Av, the one near the MRT station, at two p.m. We ended up meeting at almost two thirty, at the neighboring 7-11. Yeah. Classic Kostkan usapan. We arrived at the Araneta Coliseum one game too early, but we were in for quite a treat. The NU vs. AdU game went into double overtime - a first for this season. Oh, and I almost forgot: we had great seats. We were at the lower box, with only just a few meters away from the patron area. Anyway, I'm not going to dwell much on what happened during the battle of the green thingies; better go to Jasmine's blog for that. Click, click: jatminehehe.blogspot.com.. I had a nice time.. I was cheering for the Archers (who were simply outclassed by the Tamaraws) but I wasn't extremely affected because, after all, I'm a Maroon. Er, kinda. Unlike my two green-blooded companions (Jatjat by choice, Carbo by affiliation and want.. heh.) who were understandably disappointed, but still high in spirit (animo!). So after a tumbler of popcorn, some half-hearted cheers, and a lot of dismayed cussing, we made our way back to the MRT station.

We had dinner at McDonald's. It was around six when we got there, but we didn't leave until past ten (or was it eleven?). It was still raining when we left, and we spent a great deal of time trying to catch a cab.

So what happened during all that time that we were cooped up in a booth in McDo? The same thing that we always did when the three of us got together in high school. Tumawa, nagkuwentuhan, tumawa, nanlait ng kapwa, tumawa, nag-reminisce, tumawa… tumawa at tumawa. Hay. Carlo is our favorite comic. Jatjat and I turn into a couple of giggling, guffawing, and sniggering idiots when we're with him. I am SO thankful that when I transfer to PWU, he's going to be there. :)

Oh, and we're planning to round up some of other friends to go to Tagaytay next month. I won't talk about that much because I don't want to jinx our plans. Hehe. Basta, I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Sana matuloy.

Because it was already quite late for the Santos family's standards (and raining really, really hard), my aunt texted me 'tulog k na lng kna jasmine ha. Cge gnyt'. Ooookay. I bet she didn't even wait for me to reply 'oh, suuure, fine...wag nyo na ko pauwiin'… *roll eyes* Sa bagay, nakakatakot na rin umuwi mag-isa. So there I was, wondering how I'm ever going to sleep without a change of undies. *blush* Well, clothes isn't that much of a problem because JR can easily lend me some.. (baggy! Hahahah…), but… I'm not that comfortable going to sleep without changing my underwear. OC ako eh. Same goes for sleeping without brushing my teeth and washing my face. One of these days I really must do what I've wanted to do for a long time: I'm stashing clothes and other 'emergency' stuff at her place. Tutal lagi naman akong nandun. Anyway, my Jatjat, always full of surprises (whether good or bad) springs on me a piece of really welcome news for my ka-OC-han. It turns out that I left some clothes - including undies! Yay! - a long time ago and she never mentioned it to me… Just in case nga na may emergency na ganito. Nung nakita ko yung mga damit na tinutukoy niya, whoa… nagulat ako kasi parang nung 3rd year HS ko pa ata yun huling nakita! Wahahaha… Hindi raw niya sinabi sakin kasi baka kunin ko. Hay. Thanks, chong. Astig ka.

Ayun. We had pancit and itlog na pula for our midnight (literally) snack, and didn't sleep 'til about two a.m. Oh, mom and dad called, chamba pa talaga wala ako sa bahay. Hehe. Pero ayos lang siyempre. Dad kept saying that 'the book' was so expensive… *roll eyes* But I ignored him and went on to let him know (not so subtly, I must say) that I also wanted shoes, jeans, some cds… *wink*

Whew. Quite a long post. Quite a long day. Quite… Quite a day. :)

Random Blahs.

2004-08-14T10:13:00.000+08:00

Aside from having a separate copy of these pathetic and incoherent ruminations in my own pc, I am also ‘publishing’ them in an online blog. I am not really ‘blogging’ (in the true sense of the word), however, because I am merely using blogspot.com to be some sort of a backup, so that if this wretched excuse for a computer suddenly (but not unsurprisingly) crashes, I won’t have to worry about losing everything that I have written. I’m not really hoping that people would actually come to this site and read my entries. Not that they would be interested, anyway. Heh. I don’t know why I am offering an explanation when I know that it would only be me, and me alone who would be reading this. *shrug*

I woke up feeling pretty good. This is great news because as I have said in an earlier post, it has always been an awful experience, for me, trying to get out of bed. As usual, I groggily feel around for my cel to check the time. I see "4 new messages". That’s nice. But it probably would be nicer if it was B who texted. Yeah, right. I pretend not to be that concerned as I press the ‘read’ button, but when I see my inbox, I break into a small smile. No, it isn’t B, but I actually am happy to see those names peering back at me from the screen of my phone. The messages weren’t that bad, either. ;)

After a cup of coffee and some crackers (read: breakfast), I turn the computer on to check for new e-mail. I have mixed feelings as I read B’s two messages. I am unable to respond immediately, because when I DO reply I want my head to be clear and be in a really, really good mood so that B won’t be bothered by my uncertainties, doubts, and misgivings for the moment. There simply isn’t time for that now. I don’t want it to be like this, because I feel like I’m being borderline dishonest to my best friend, but… well, I can’t help it… if I want this to work then certain sacrifices must be made, and I must learn how to control my feelings. I miss B. I really do. More than anything or anyone else. But when I DO write, everything must be ok with me so that I won’t be hurtful… para hindi siya madamay… kasi hindi niya ‘to dinedeserve… para hindi unfair sa kanya. I’m not really in the mood to write a whole discourse on the philosophy of our relationship, so I’m ending this part of my entry now. Now. Now. Period.

Dad says he finally managed to snag a copy of the ultimate pasalubong ever: Neil Gaiman’s Smoke and Mirrors. I’ve been wanting, hoping, and even dreaming about this book for months.. and finally I am the proud owner of the brilliant Mr. Gaiman’s collection of short stories. The downside? Sigh. I must wait another month; dad isn’t coming home until the middle of September. Oh, well. (So notice I used the word ‘owner’, not ‘holder’.. because I haven’t even touched my holy grail of paperbacks yet.)

Carlo and Ja(t)mine are calling. I’ll continue this later.

Bum.

2004-08-14T01:25:00.000+08:00

I should’ve done this journal thing years ago. I think I’ve actually tried, many times, but ::insert reason here.. e.g. ‘shit happens’::, and I simply never followed through. Typical case of ningas kugon (sp?). // Yes, I know, another fragment.. hell, cut me some slack, Kat. As much as I want to write flawlessly now (or ever), I can’t. *shrug* It just ain’t possible, chong. ;) // Aaaaanyway, as much as I enjoy making up ridiculous conversations with myself such as what had just transpired, I must now cease this outpour of self-induced flak about my manner of writing and move on to other ‘issues’ of the day. I stayed home all day acting like the indolent creature that I secretly and actually am, wallowing in memories of the happy days that are long gone, and blearily wondering whether the future will be better.. or not. Once again, I am in limbo, for I am neither here nor there, with my insides the unwilling battleground between the conflicting sides of peace and turmoil… in simpler terms, I am lost.. because I am still awaiting the release of my clearance and honorable dismissal from *sob* U.P., and I haven’t even taken the entrance exam for PWU yet. So I’m stuck in this weird place of not belonging anywhere, and I might even go as far as saying not wanting to belong anywhere. My mind is in a constant buzz; I sleep and sleep because I don’t want to think anymore, and at least in the land of dreams I am not (yet?) haunted by all these frustrating happenings. Waking up is a struggle, though it always has been… but the difficulty has lamentably increased because I don’t have anything to look forward to now. I don’t even know what I really want. I guess I just want to be sure of something, that I am not just in period of waiting and uncertainty… because it’s tough to take steps forward when I’m not really sure what direction I’m going.

I’m getting really tired of people asking about why I’m shifting, transferring, etcetera… and inspite of all the bullshit that seem to automatically come out of my mouth blaming my parents and the Philippines and almost everything else that crosses my mind at that particular moment: it’s just plain and simple, actually. It’s my fault that I didn’t come to my senses earlier, and instead of giving in to my mom’s (and most of my extended family’s) wishes to go into nursing right after high school, I opted to dive into the wild, wild world of UP Diliman – for what, you ask? For pride? *shrug* Maybe. I do not wish to delve more into this because, well, I’m tired of thinking about it and it will probably just hurt more if I force myself to even type about it. But I got what I wanted, and after one year and one half of a sem, the Big Guy gave me a chance to reevaluate my options, my beliefs… well, everything. I liked being in this university, and even if the Fighting Maroons Men’s Basketball Team were a bunch of losers, I was damn proud to be an iskolar ng bayan. But it isn’t enough anymore. I like studying people, I love being in the Psychology department, I am already extremely attached to the friends that I have oh-so-fortunately gained in my stay in UP… but I simply am not going anywhere. I don’t want to go into med school after four years of BS Psych, and I don’t want to be a teacher, either. I’m at a dead end. I’m jealous of batchmates (be it Kostkans or UP-ians) because they know what they want to do after school. But if I try to think about what I really (really, really) want to do, I can’t… I. Don’t. Know. And since I don’t, why not go ahead and do the "practical" thing, and shift to the "practical" course? My parents’ happiness would simply be a bonus. This isn’t just an impulse… this isn’t a sudden change of mind… this is something that has been on my head (and on my nerves) for quite some time, and it only happened that I am actually doing something about it now. Who knows, maybe this is the drive that I am looking for… my bad study habits didn’t improve from the nightmare that it was in high school because, well, I didn’t know what I was studying for. I wanted to have a clear direction of where I am going, and hopefully now I’m going to have it. It’s hard. I know. And come September it’s going to be harder. I am going to cry, feel a lot of pressure, have sore muscles, suffer migraines, curse myself a million times… but I will have something to walk, or maybe crawl towards… I will have a plan, and because of that plan I will have something to look forward to. Then I won’t struggle that much in waking up anymore.

I hope.

Digression, repetition, too much parentheses, sentence fragments, hyphens, and 5 ‘journal’s.

2004-08-13T22:45:00.000+08:00

Argh. A big fat argh. I can’t seem to write anymore. Well, not in the literal sense, obviously. I’m not sure if I just lost my touch or if I could actually write in the first place. But whatever. I’m stuck with crappy sentence fragments that would probably annoy the hell out of any reader – including me, as I reread this thing that I am writing. What am I doing, anyway? I think (‘think’ because like every other thing I do, I’m not really sure) that I am starting a journal.. a journal that won’t simply be chronicling events of my corny and miserable joke of a life, but a journal that would also be the haven of thoughts that constantly swirl around in the dark void in my head that is present instead of a solid, working mind like other people – normal people – have. (Note to self: look at the last sentence and see just how much I suck – I used the word ‘journal’ three freakin’ times.) I digress, as usual. Hmph. I’m starting another +journal+ (breathe, roll eyes, then ignore fourth utilization of the word) because, well, I want to. I want to write. I don’t really hope to be a published writer someday, but I just want to write. (Another note to self: repetition, repetition, repetition. Do I have some sort of built-in echo machine?) Thus, with this paragraph of inconsistent and jumbled up thoughts that aptly exemplifies the kind of writing that I am hoping to improve, I begin my – here we go again – journal.